Send too early and people forget. Send too late and their weekend is gone. The window is wider than most hosts think, but it moves a lot depending on how much of a guest’s day you are asking for.
The more the event costs your guests — in time, travel, or childcare — the earlier it has to arrive.
The timeline
- Wedding — save the date 6–12 months ahead; invitation 6–8 weeks. Destination weddings: save the date 12 months, invitation 3 months.
- Milestone birthday (30th, 50th, 80th) — 4–6 weeks
- Ordinary birthday — 2–3 weeks
- Children’s party — 3–4 weeks; term-time weekends fill fast
- Baby shower — 4–6 weeks
- Bridal shower — 4–6 weeks
- Graduation party — 3–4 weeks, more in peak season
- Anniversary party — 4–6 weeks
- Retirement — 3–4 weeks; 6 if colleagues travel
- Housewarming — 2–3 weeks
- Dinner party — 2–3 weeks at home; 3–4 for a restaurant
- Holiday party — 6 weeks. December is the exception to every other rule.
- Game night — 1–2 weeks
Why December breaks the rules
Holiday-season invitations compete with every other party your guests were invited to, and the good Saturdays are claimed by mid-November. Six weeks is the minimum for anything in December; early November is not too early.
The same logic applies to any date that is contested in your circle — a long weekend, a school holiday, the Saturday of a major sporting final. Being first matters more than being polished.
When to send a save the date
A save the date is for events where guests must arrange something substantial: travel, accommodation, childcare, or time off. That means weddings, destination events, and occasionally a milestone party drawing family from a distance.
It is not a substitute for an invitation, and it has one job — the date and the city. Do not send one unless you are certain of both, because a save the date cannot be un-sent.
Save the date
[NAMES]
[DATE]
[CITY]
Invitation to follow.
Setting the RSVP deadline
Work backwards from whoever needs your numbers:
- Caterer or venue — usually wants final numbers 7–14 days ahead
- Add a week for chasing, because you will need it
- That is your RSVP date — typically 2–3 weeks before the event
Set it on a weekday. Deadlines that land on a Saturday get forgotten on the Friday, and you lose the weekend before you can chase.
Do not set the RSVP date so early that it is months before the event — guests cannot commit that far out and will simply not reply, which teaches them that your deadlines are soft.
When to send the reminder
Expect roughly a third of your guests to reply only after a nudge. That is normal, and planning for it is better than resenting it.
- Three to four days after the deadline — the first reminder, to non-responders only
- A week before the event — a details reminder to everyone attending: time, address, parking, what to bring
- Stop there. After two, treat silence as a no
The second reminder is the one hosts skip and guests most appreciate. People who accepted six weeks ago have genuinely forgotten the start time.
If you are running late
Send anyway, and acknowledge it in one line rather than apologising at length:
Short notice, we know — but we’d love you there if you’re free.
Short-notice invitations work better in a medium people check hourly. A posted card sent ten days out may not arrive in time to be useful; an email or message will.
A note on paper
If you are posting invitations, add a week to every figure above for printing and post, and a fortnight for anything international. If you are sending digitally, you can safely sit at the shorter end of each range — delivery is instant and replies arrive in a day or two rather than a week or two.
Related
RSVP wording, how to track RSVPs, and how to send digital invitations.
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